What SHAPE are You Becoming as LEADER?

By Beata C. Lewis, J.D., Master Somatic Coach

Every day you shape reality by being in conversation.

What occurs to you when you read that statement? Do you find yourself checking for whether you do or do not agree and whether there might be limiting factors to the truth of that statement in your life or generally? Do you find yourself curious about how that statement might be true, whether the idea has occurred to you before or not? Do you find yourself dismissing the idea as absurd, ridiculous or irrelevant for any number of reasons you might have? What feeling state does the idea evoke for you? What physical sensations occur when you give your attention to that idea? Just notice.

If you have made it to this paragraph, you are to some degree in conversation with yourself about an idea. How you choose to think about that idea is already influenced by your historical conditioning, by what you believe is possible, and by what you want to move towards in your life.

Every day you shape reality by being in conversation.

From a stance of curiosity, the question arises: What conversations fill my days and how might I be co-creating my reality by these conversations? And then, of course, there is the question of why bother thinking about this at all?

As a leader, what shape are you in?

That is another - perhaps jarring - question to consider. It is not generally how we talk about leadership, is it? We do not talk about being a shape, or being in shape for leading. We talk about effectiveness and performance. We talk about impact. But shape? What could that possibly mean?

Leaders shape reality.

That is perhaps the most fundamental and important aspect of being a leader...whether a leader of your individual life, of a business, of a community venture, etc. In that context, the question of how you shape reality becomes highly relevant. So does the question of how you shape yourself.

For the purpose of producing leadership excellence, we can consider the notion of "shape" in the context of mastery. What has to happen for someone to master, for example, an art, a sport, a discipline or their innate impulses in a type of situation? That is a big question. Let's consider some basics:

• First, this person chooses to begin. Everyone who chooses to start the journey of mastery begins as a beginner. That is why spiritual masters, for example, emphasize the importance of "beginner's mind." What you already know probably brought you to the point of being able to perceive the opportunity and to choose the path of mastery. But mastery might first entail a surprising degree of letting go. So, in what domains and with whom, are you a beginner? Do you feel like you have permission to be a beginner, for how long and with whom? When is being a beginner exciting and when is it intolerable?

• At some point in the doing of "it," this person chooses to learn for the sake of getting better at "it" or even becoming "it." Who and how are you as a learner? Where, when and with whom are you a receptive or a resistant learner? What is your mood about making mistakes or even "failing" when you reach far while learning? What is your mood about achieving what you reach for, your mood about "winning" or "succeeding?" What is at stake for you when you do not know and need to learn? How open are you to new input once you think you have learned enough?

• In order to integrate and "own" what is being learned, this person chooses to practice. Practice is consistent, conscious engagement and repetition over time. Real practice is not just going through the motions; it is being present with a quality of awareness and curiosity about what is not working, what could work better and what is working. It is a moment-to-moment choice to look again, to respect (from the Latin respectare ...to look again) oneself as a learner. So, what are you practicing? What are you not practicing? What moods arise for you when you practice? With whom do you choose and in what situations do you choose to practice? Do you relish or shy away from what you assess as an extreme challenge? Do you distinguish between "practice" and something else, such as "performance?" At what point are you satisfied that "it" is sufficiently "in you" and you no longer choose to practice in order to sustain that level of mastery or to attain yet further depth, congruency, or simple proficiency?

Considered together, what do these basic elements of mastery have in common? Choice. A person chooses to begin, to learn (reach and grow) and to practice. That choice extends from a desire. And being on the journey for mastery shapes an identity, a Self.

All aspects of the Self engage in the journey for mastery, not just the physical body or the mind (mental body). The physical body contributes its capacity to perceive, move, express, receive, and reach for aliveness. The mental body contributes its capacity to communicate and coordinate with language, acquire knowledge, analyze, evaluate, discern, reason, decide, etc. The emotional body contributes its capacity to choose (yes, choice is fundamentally a function of the limbic brain). The emotional body governs mood and a quality of one's inner state to be either open to or closed against someone or something. The emotional body governs resonance. The spiritual body connects our physical, mental and emotional bodies with a sense of purpose, inspiration (breathing life into oneself and a project), aspiration, and connection with something greater than one's own limited ego life.

Mastery embraces the doing (consistency and expertise in action) as an integrated expression of the thinking, believing, feeling and creating Self. As such, mastery is a somatic practice. Shape takes on literal meaning when we understand that thoughts (in the form of beliefs, expectations, assumptions, judgments, knowledge, etc.) and emotions (feelings and moods) create and are created by bio-chemical processes in our physical bodies. The neuro-muscular pathways created and reinforced by habits of thought, feeling, and belief literally shape our bodies and what our bodies will or will not do. We are what we practice. Under stress, we tend to revert to the habits we have practiced most and are therefore most able to choose. Mastery develops as a function of directing awareness, attention, intention and will to act. As mastery evolves, we become able to make new choices in situations and with people when it matters.

What is your "shape" in situations of stress? When are you not under stress? What is your "shape" then? What do you need to practice in order to be your "best self," especially in stressful and stress-producing situations? It has to do with how you show up in conversation.

Conversation is how we shape reality with language.

Almost everything we perceive and experience as sentient beings is translated into language and therefore to thought. Even when we perceive or experience something "outside of" thought (e.g. the body in action in a state of "flow," communication by way of visual or auditory art, etc.), we attribute meaning to the experience through language.

Conversation is about talking together. It might be the inner dialogue among aspects of ourselves. More commonly, we think of it as the exchange of ideas through language between people. We get ourselves and other people to pay attention, understand, learn, share meaning, and take action through conversation. Storytelling is a type of conversation. Leaders are storytellers: they articulate a positive possible future that people choose to move towards together, as a conversation in action.

What kinds of conversation do we engage in and with whom? Fundamentally, there are three types of conversation: historical conversations, conversations for possibility, and conversations for action. Masterful leaders engage in all three with conscious awareness and choice.

• Historical conversations are those that describe what happened. In telling ourselves and one another "what happened" we can easily loose track of what is incontrovertible fact and what is opinion or evaluation (namely, subject to disagreement). Our telling of "what happened" is almost always an interpretation. Even if you only relay facts, there is interpretation in what data are included and what data are omitted. The interpretation might be called "relevancy," but it is still interpretation. The historical conversation communicates our perceptions, interpretations, values and orientation to meaning. After all, why share the story unless there is a point, a meaning to keep track of?

We literally shape ourselves consistent with the historical stories are tell about our own lives and how we weave into the tapestry of life that is evolving each day. Our historical conversations imprint us with beliefs, values, standards, expectations, assumptions, desires, aversions, etc. The meaning we give to "what happened" shapes the lenses through which we perceive what is possible and how we will act. With mastery of historical conversations you choose empowering (re)interpretations and meaning for "what happened" for the sake of what you are creating.

• Conversations for possibility are those that describe what may be possible. We get fired up and enlivened by these conversations when what may be possible is meaningful to us and registers as viable, choose-able options. These conversations tend to feel more substantive when the vision of what is possible is coupled with clarity about qualities, consequences, criteria, standards, values we want to experience if what is possible were to become real. These conversations are always connected to historical conversations; what we are able to perceive either opens or limits our connection to what is possible. So, what awareness and practices will help you to expand what you perceive, so that it is less limited by your historical conditioning?

• Conversations for action are those that move us to take action to open a new future and make it real. The action is specific, purposeful and coordinated. These conversations help those who would stay mired in the past to reorient with specific, intentional action in order to produce a new future. They are also the conversations that help those who would stay dreaming about an ideal future to ground their attention in the present, producing tangible, measurable steps that move one toward the positive possible future. Action takes place in the present. These conversations re-locate us to where we are and what we can choose (e.g. what we can do and who we can be) right now to create what we want.

Every day you shape reality by being in conversation.

What conversations produce vitality, joy and health in your life, your organization, your community? What conversations sap your aliveness, drain your strength and resilience and produce imbalance and stagnation? Give this your attention.

As a leader, what shape are you in?

Who are you now and who do you need to be in order to experience the future you really want, for yourself, your organization, your community? Are you willing to practice yourself to new levels of Self-mastery and mastery together? As you choose "yes," you step forward on the pathway of your own evolving story as a leader.

******************

About the Author:
As an Executive Coach and Change Consultant, Beata C. Lewis, J.D., provides focused guidance for highly effective and wise leadership that promotes sustained, creative and energized collaboration. She works with highly accomplished individuals and teams to facilitate intentional transformation. Beata's field-tested experience in communication, negotiation, conflict resolution, change management and collaborative process facilitation combine elegantly with her expertise as a Master Somatic Coach™. The somatic framework is integrative and holistic in nature. Individuals cultivate mastery of Self, calling forth their capacity to unleash and direct human potential and aliveness in leading ventures that thrive and succeed. With greater self-awareness and presence, clients approach new opportunities and challenges with greater clarity, resilience, compassion, grace, and power.