The Heart of Change

By Beata C. Lewis, J.D., Master Somatic Coach

Desire is at the heart of conscious change. I am thinking of desire as an essential life-force energy, rather than as attachment to a particular object or outcome. When we think of desire, it is as a concept. We experience it in our full being as stories that arise about desire, as a mood or emotions associated with desire and as physical sensations that may feel like greater aliveness. Unwelcome change can bring up resistance to feeling out of control, bounced around by rude circumstance or at a loss for one’s sense of center or grounding. Change rooted in desire is also connected to a compelling sense of choice and center. When we touch the heart of what matters, we can devote attention and energy to take action towards what we want, rather than reacting to what we do not want.

A most basic recipe for moving forward through change of any kind is:
1) Know what you want, and
2) Ask for it (i.e. move towards it).

Most people have a range of situations where applying that recipe is a cakewalk. We know what we want and can go for it with satisfactory results. By contrast, when we venture into unknown (and perhaps un-knowable) terrain in our lives, the very question – what do I truly want now? – can leave us without answers and feeling frustrated. Not knowing, we may keep moving in an all-too familiar and unsatisfying groove.

Ask yourself: In an area where change is happening, what do I want to move towards? How can I know what I want if it isn’t already obvious?

Change happens when you ask for it and when you don’t. Change also happens even when you insist on resisting it. What helps us navigate uncertainty and change with more ease and grace? How can we shift our consciousness to embrace change? The integrated power of mind, heart, body, and soul have an inestimable impact on what happens to us in change.

I am reminded of the opening lines of a poem by Mary Oliver:
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves. …

Did you watch the Olympic Games this summer? What joy in witnessing truly great performers! What amazes me is not only what the athletes can do but who they had to become to be where they are now. What commitments, what gifts (or even genius), and what focus and resilience did they have to source within themselves to get to that elite playing field? At some point earlier in their lives, they had to be open to something new, to being a beginner and a learner. Maybe they drifted for while, enjoying it but with no substantial drive or sense of direction. But at some point something else kicked in and they used the discipline of their sport to train and elicit their personal best. They play an equally important “inner game” to develop qualities of presence (including focus, resilience, poise and calm) that make it possible for them to perform at their best under extreme pressure.

Leaders who strive for personal excellence play an essential “inner game,” too. In the discipline of Somatic Coaching™, we work with the premise that we are our commitments. We don’t just have commitments. A person puts her attention and energy towards that to which she is committed. Our commitments – whether spoken or unspoken, consciously declared or hidden – powerfully shape who we are. We make meaning of our lives by interpreting and creating a narrative about what happens as we move within the evolving framework of our commitments. This becomes our life story. The story informs our choices for practices we take on, practices of thought, feeling, belief and action. It shapes our capacity and willingness to be in certain conversations. It creates the filters and lenses by which we perceive and move in the world. If you want to create something new or different in your life, become fair witness to and a conscious co-creator of your own story.

How do we identify our commitments? Pay attention to what you care about and to what you want to expand in your life. Other people assess your commitments by what you say and how that matches with what you do, so track that for yourself. We embody our values and standards by the commitments we demonstrate. Declaring a new future with a commitment is different from listing the stuff you decide to do. You decide to do stuff (e.g. I am committed to arriving to all my appointments 10 minutes early) in service of a deeper, larger commitment. Our commitments are revealed by our practices and habits. When you are choosing change, the commitment is how you declare a "yes" for a future that matters to you and may even seem out of reach (e.g. I am a commitment to fair and inspired collaboration among all participants on my next project.). At its best, the commitment is a pithy statement that goes right for the jugular, your own. It helps you get up when you fall down, refocus, recommit and get back into the game.

A fundamental question in the somatic discipline is: What gets your attention? For most of us, our attention goes with our emotional responses to things. Those emotional responses are tied up with cellular memory and produce further changes in our physiological, mental, emotional and spiritual states. Over time, we develop neural pathways that kick in like second nature. To shift a habit of thought, feeling, belief or action takes conscious intention and practice. While it may take courage to feel what arises (not suppress or deny it), there is freedom in being more fully present and choosing what happens next.

One of the great discoveries of presence is that we can trust the physical body as a wise aspect of Self. It knows. It is marvelously capable of providing us with an immediate response to most situations in which a choice is required. Unfortunately, especially in disciplines that are not expressly about physical achievement, we do not recognize this ability of the physical body and rely on the power of the mind, to the exclusion of the rest of who we are. Very often our reflections trouble us and push us to make decisions that go against our own nature. Mind-body integration is a practice in presence.

What commitments, gifts/talents, and presence do you bring to bear to achieve excellence, either in new areas or in familiar areas but in different ways in your life? As a coach, I work with leaders - now predominantly women business leaders in science and technology - who are reaching for what’s next and may be confronting the possibility of radical change. Radical, as in “arising from or going to a root or source.” Something deep within each person is calling for a new quality of attention and care. It may be something that has been overlooked, overridden, or undervalued yet is essential to who they are and what can feel like success going forward. Their next personal best will arise by working with (rather than by sacrificing) this source energy.

Change can touch one's sense of identity and self-esteem. For example, Jane (real person but false name) is becoming a key member of the founding executive team for a new spin-off enterprise. Before this, she worked for nearly two decades leading projects in a large corporation. As the team began defining strategy, roles, responsibilities, titles, and compensation structure, Jane was also inquiring for herself what challenges, type of contribution and quality of interaction would feel enlivening and sustainable for her. She set out to craft a new role for herself that meets her current and anticipated future needs for growth and excellence – individually and as part of this emerging company.

“J for President” became Jane’s whimsical slogan. It represented her reach to inhabit something new (not necessarily “president” per se) and for which she felt well qualified and prepared. Focusing her attention on “J for President,” Jane defined structure, boundaries and qualitative content for her new position. It gave her a starting point for research about competencies, attitudes, and presence that would be required for her to succeed there. It gave her purpose for asking hard questions and motivation to craft an innovative role for herself to serve her needs and those of the company. “J for President” sustained her moving forward purposefully, despite forceful, often disheartening and seemingly fear-driven push-back, particularly from the company’s chosen financing partners.

We saw that there was something important embedded in the "grit" that had her sticking to this project, despite the setbacks, despite the strain in personal interaction, despite consistent (apparent) lack of support from certain individuals. Jane began to inquire what was behind “J for President.” What did she want to create for herself by staying a player in this particular game with these particular other players? If this were her Mt. Everest, what is so important to her about getting to the top of that mountain and back down again, living to tell the tale? How might knowing this increase her sense of ease, self-trust and satisfaction with this project? What opens up for her?

What is revealing itself is a nascent sense of what else Jane wants, for herself and as a leader. Really wants. Any specific professional role or activity could be an expression of that desire but it is not the end in itself. Forces that have been driving her to excel in the past have different meaning and power with her now. Something else is calling for her attention. In this unfamiliar territory, Jane is experiencing plenty of uncertainty and self-doubt. She is also becoming more aware of how she gets in her own way of sensing and honoring what she wants. In her willingness to explore here, however, Jane is finding treasures she didn’t know were hers. “I feel like I am water-skiing along, keeping myself upright despite everyone else's wake. It isn't pretty but it's working.” Jane is listening differently and trusting her own more subtle cues, creativity and inner impulses. A new commitment is emerging. In the mean time, her practices are for encouraging and protecting what feels delightfully new and alive.

Desire fuels the journey to excellence. It’s a journey of awakening to new possibilities and being in purposeful motion towards a meaningful outcome. It is a journey of overcoming obstacles and dealing with one’s own resistance to change along the way. It is a journey of acknowledging interim accomplishments and celebrating completions, gathering energy, resources, support and vision for new beginnings. It takes tremendous heart to stay on the road less traveled, the road of excellence, one’s personal best. What better choice to make?

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About the Author:
As a leadership coach and consultant, Beata C. Lewis, J.D., provides focused guidance for highly accomplished individuals and teams. They lead in businesses where creativity, resourcefulness and agility are critical to individual and organizational success. Clients develop awareness and implement practices to achieve tangible, transformational and sustainable improvements in leadership, trust building and collaboration. Beata's field-tested expertise in negotiation, conflict resolution, change management and collaborative process facilitation combine elegantly with her experience as a Master Somatic Coach. The somatic emphasis helps individuals to cultivate mastery of Self. They develop greater presence and capacity to approach new opportunities and challenges with authenticity, resilience, clarity, grace and power.

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